Hello Again

Well, as was expected I neglected my poor forgotten weblog to the point of abandonment. So much has happened since the last time I posted to this that it is hard to even remember all of it. So many thoughts and observations have passed by that it is hard to speak in anything but generalities at the moment. I've let go of a long standing entanglement with the person that knows me best in this world only to find myself in a sea on loneliness and despair, and to accompany that are bed fellows, anger and confusion. A perfect concoction of ingredients to cause me to be apparently unbearable as it is hard to find company that will tolerate me for long. I think that maybe they can smell it on me as I, per usual, don't speak of such ideas in anything but a riddle that I wish never to be solved. I once thought I was a loner, but as time continues I realize what it truly means to be a loner. It isn't a decision you make, but rather one that is made for you by those you encounter throughout the journey. I see all those around me grasping to each other to quell their fears of progressing years, their fears of solitude, and I understand, but I see etched in their faces the consequences of their labors of love. I see the fear that still lingers just under the surface around their tired eyes and in their plastered rehearsed smiles. So rare is the genuine that you could search a lifetime for its fleeting glow and only feel its illumination upon your face but a handful of times. Too often in the form of despair than in the helpless smile of an infant at its returning mother. How unexpected its arrival that one must take note and then doubly check to confirm the authenticity of such welcomed feelings. Gravitating instead to the other side of human nature. The more familiar part of human nature as seen on television. This is the side I know, and trust, as it is the only side that when it strikes me across the face I do not doubt its authenticity. A sample of my thoughts twisted with the effort of words. I spoke such sentiments off in sound only yesterday and found sweet reprieve for a time, but as with all things persistence eventually wins out. Such thoughts gnaw at my center slowly carrying away whats left of my humanity until the only thing that remains is a question. What about today?